


I Hate the Mirror

by SoulDewDrop



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Ass to Mouth, Body Image, Body Worship, Caring Tsukishima Kei, Depressed Yamaguchi Tadashi, Established Relationship, Gay Sex, Love Bites, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, Romance, Sad Yamaguchi Tadashi, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Shameless Smut, Smut, Soft Tsukishima Kei, The Author Regrets Nothing, Yamaguchi Tadashi's Freckles, yamaguchi hates his body
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:41:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25797589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoulDewDrop/pseuds/SoulDewDrop
Summary: Tadashi struggles with his body image. After a particularly rough day, he needs his boyfriend to remind him that he's beautiful.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 11
Kudos: 242





	I Hate the Mirror

**Author's Note:**

> It's been so long since I've posted! I've been working behind the scenes on some other stuff that I'm hoping I can get up sooner rather than later. Hope you guys enjoy this little slice of smut in the meanwhile!

Tadashi was never truly comfortable with his body. He’d always make like the way he looked didn’t bother him, but as he become more and more entangled with the Karasuno Volleyball team the more he was forced on the daily to think about how he couldn’t compare physically with his teammates. Of course, they never picked on him, he was sure most of them didn’t see a problem with the fact that he wasn’t as toned as everyone else. But regardless, in his own headspace he felt that he looked terrible next to all of these Adonis looking high schoolers. His own boyfriend was even significantly better looking than him. Tsukki rarely went around without being fully clothed in the club spaces, but Tadashi knew from time spent alone and explicitly with Tsukki that he was structured like one of those professional European soccer players. He was lean and fit, but not overly muscly.

What’s more, Tsukki enjoyed exercise. He’d often go for jogs or bike rides to clear his head and maintain his physique. Tadashi… not so much. He’d tried many times to get into exercising in any capacity, but just couldn’t stick to a routine. Volleyball was his one source of exercise and even then, he wasn’t nearly as active as the starters like Hinata and Noya.

“You holding up okay, Yamaguchi?” Suga startled Tadashi from his thoughts. Of course, Suga would have noticed him being out of it, the ever-observant mom.

“Huh? Oh, yeah… I’m fine. Sorry, just tired.” Tadashi tried to laugh it off and pass that he was in fact “just tired”. Suga didn’t look convinced but let him be, reassuring him that if he needed anything to let him know.

“Alright! Let’s run serves!” Coach Ukai’s voice was powerful and commanding over the gym chatter.

The team lines up, Noya on the opposing side of the net ready to receive. Tadashi watched as his teammates like Asahi and Tanaka gave powerful serves, muscles rippling under skin that Tadashi simply didn’t possess. When Tsukki’s turn arrived, he noted how simple his movements were and yet his muscles still tightened up to produce a display on his skin. On his turn, Tadashi’s arm produced no such display and despite the fact that his jump float was excellent in execution he felt the scrutiny not on his serve but on his body.

Practice wrapped up uneventfully, Tadashi remained in low spirits even after departing for home with Tsukki by his side. It was Friday night; he should be happy. Tsukki was gonna spend the night tonight after they hadn’t been able to spend much time with each other during the week. They walked hand in hand until they reached the Yamaguchi residence.

“You’ve been unusually quiet, Yamaguchi.” Tsukki’s voice was low and almost threatening, Tadashi knew this was his way of asking what was up.

“Have I been? Ha… guess I hadn’t noticed…” Tsukki cocked an eyebrow at him, not pushing any further. “I’m gonna go shower, you okay to just chill in my room?”

Tsukki made a low rumble that told Tadashi that he was fine. They both dropped their school bags at the end of Tadashi’s bed and Tadashi grabbed a towel from a rack just outside of the bathroom door.

Once in the bathroom and behind a shut door, his face dropped. Tadashi faced the mirror, shedding his shirt. He thinks back to where this all started. The kids in elementary school used to pick on him for his freckled face and he grew to hate them over time. That dislike for his skin only grew worse as he hit puberty and mixed his freckles with speckles of acne. He also noted the freckles on his shoulders. He supposed he didn’t mind those ones as much but when all of your friends have this smooth, uninterrupted skin you tend to fell like yours just isn’t right if it contains a “flaw”. Tadashi lightly ran a hand over his cheek as he had done so many times before, feeling flawed, bumpy, acne scarred skin. He silently degraded himself for being so gross.

Tadashi’s hand fell back down to his waist where the reminder of his lack of muscle sat. Around his lower stomach and hip was a slight lining of baby pudge that never seemed to go away. He pinched at it, feeling it squish between the light pressure of his fingers. Looking back in the mirror, there was no finite muscle mass to speak of anywhere on his upper body. Sure he didn’t look bad… but he sure as hell didn’t feel good about what he saw there staring back at him. The corners of his eyes burn, his face hot as his stomach twisted. This had been such a long and lonely battle for him, people can say you look good all they want but at the end of the day you decide whether you like yourself or not. Tadashi cursed himself for his lack of motivation to change what he saw in the mirror, knowing it wouldn’t take much to fix what he saw.

He turns his attention to the shower, now feeling the rush to get away from this god forsaken mirror. He turned the dial, checking the temperature of the water against the back of his hand. When it was to his satisfaction, he made one last look in the mirror. It was time to strip fully. It was a bizarre phenomenon; he didn’t mind being naked in front of Tsukki. Somehow Tsukki’s touch seemed to make him forget the disdain he held for himself. But alone, in front of his bathroom mirror, there was no buffer for the disdain. He pushed his shorts to the floor and caught his reflection on his way back up. Even his cock felt lack luster in his eyes. When Tadashi figured out he was gay, he learned soon thereafter that you should never compare your body to your partners. But when Tsukki and Tadashi started becoming more sexually active with one another, it was hard to not think that his dick wasn’t as nice as his boyfriend’s. He found himself wondering why Tsukki even felt attracted to a poorly constructed guy like him when Tsukki was so beautiful.

The sinking feeling only grew as he continued to scrutinize his every feature in the mirror, checking his lumps and bumps before finally pushing away from the counter and entering the shower. On days where it was this bad, Tadashi found it hard to even bathe himself, not wanting to continue touching his own skin. But Tsukki was waiting for him and was no doubt tired and a bit cranky from practice, he would want a shower too. So Tadashi pushed himself to scrub and rinse away the practice grime from his body. After quickly shampooing and rinsing his hair, he stepped out to dry off. He ran the towel over his skin, trying to not think about his body too much in the process.

Tadashi reached for the corner of the counter where he normally left his post-shower clothes but found nothing.

“No…” Had he really forgotten to grab his clothes before coming in. Normally he wouldn’t have minded coming back to Tsukki half-naked, but today it just wasn’t feeling right. However, there was no alternative now, except call for Tsukki to bring his clothes in but that might annoy Tsukki and would have him seeing Tadashi half-naked anyway.

Tadashi takes a deep breath and wraps the towel tightly around his waist above his hip bones to cover the baby pudge that was particularly bothering him today. Tsukki had made himself comfortable on the bed and didn’t even turn his head when Tadashi entered.

“How was your shower?”

‘Small talk, good. Maybe I can get dressed before he gives me too much attention’ Tadashi thinks, b-lining it for his dresser.

“It was fine, seems like mom got the water pressure fixed.”

Tsukki grunts with approval and continues to invest his attention in his phone.

Tadashi pushes around clothes in his dresser, unable to find something baggy enough for his satisfaction, when a pair of pale arms wrap around his torso.

“Ah! Tsukki! I uh…. Didn’t hear you get up! Ha ha…” The affection had caught him off guard and his voice definitely gave away that he was upset about something. As quickly as the arms had come in, they vanished behind him.

“Okay, what’s up? You’ve been acting strange like… all day.” Tsukki gives Tadashi a grumpy look as Tadashi turns to face him, nervous.

“I’m…. I’m just… uh…”

“Spit it out, Yamaguchi.” Tsukki’s harshness was grating and hurtful to Tadashi in this state, he knew Tsukki wasn’t intentionally trying to be mean to him but the familiar burn of tears forming behind his eyes had started. In this moment he wished Tsukki could be a bit more patient with him.

“I’m feeling really insecure…. I know we’ve talked about this before but I just… I can’t… I’m really hating my body tonight, that’s all…” Tadashi trails off, trying his best to communicate the feelings he’s experiences. Unfortunately, Tsukki doesn’t appear to understand the weight of his words.

“This again? Babe there really isn’t a problem here. I don’t understand why you’re so worked up about this kinda stuff.”

Tsukki leaves Tadashi feeling brushed off and discarded as he grabs his pajamas from his overnight bag and heads for the bathroom to shower. Tadashi stands there a moment before the pain of Tsukki’s lack of understanding sets in. Completely shattered mentally, he abandons his search for suitable pajamas and sits on his bed, still half wrapped in a towel. His mind races and his stomach dive-bombs as he spirals out of control. Before he can even think about composing himself, he’s crying into his palms, gripping into his hairline harshly. So many things rush his mind, ‘It’s my own fault I look like this!’ ‘I don’t take good enough care of myself’ ‘Tsukki must be lying, there’s no way I’m attractive enough for him. Why does he stay with me?’

Tsukki showers quickly, and even quicker when it’s not his home shower. He’s finished up within five minutes and throwing clothes back on to return to Tadashi’s room. What he wasn’t expecting was to hear his boyfriend crying on the opposite side of the door when he returned. Had he said something wrong? There wasn’t really anything for Tadashi to worry about. He was beautiful in his eyes, so why was he so upset? He entered the room slowly.

“Babe?” Tadashi futilely wiped at his eyes but couldn’t contain his cries. Tsukki picked up the pace to be by his side.

“Hey! What’s this all about?” Tsukki tried to reclaim Tadashi’s hands but was meet with the resistance of Tadashi repeatedly wiping at his eyes.

“Tsukki, I don’t get what you don’t understand. I hate myself! I can’t stand my body! I feel so disgusting I don’t even get how you want to be with me half the time!” Tadashi’s crying intensifies. Tsukki tries his best to capture Tadashi’s cheek in his hand and establish some eye contact between the two.

“Tadashi… you’re far from disgusting. You’re so beautiful in my eyes. There’s no reason for you to hate yourself. Please just breath for me?”

“Of course there’s reasons for me to! Tsukki I’m a mess, I breakout at least once a week, I have no muscle to speak of, and how am I not supposed to hate myself when the rest of my team looks like young Greek gods!”

Tsukki pulls his boyfriend into a tight hug, allowing him to cry into his clean shirt. When he stills a little, Tsukki begins, “I had no idea you were feeling all this pressure, Tadashi. But I want to assure you, there is no reason for you to feel like you need to look like the rest of the team. You are beautiful, I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect boyfriend. And maybe that doesn’t make you feel any better, but I want to help you realize that fact. I want to help you love yourself. So we can work together to help you feel better, okay? I’ll do whatever I can for you, Tadashi.”

It was a rare moment for Tsukki to soften this way, but it seemed to be exactly what Tadashi needed. His breathing started to equalize as he nodded in agreement with Tsukki. After a few moments, Tsukki rearranged them on the bed so Tadashi was tucked into his larger body. Tsukki carded fingers lazily through Tadashi’s still damp hair.

“Thank you Tsukki.” Tadashi whispered, “I’m very lucky to have someone like you.”

“I don’t know about that… but I will never lie to you babe. You truly are beautiful, in so many ways. So, please, try to believe me in the future.”

Tadashi nods, still feeling a little uneasy though.

“You’re still really tense, you okay?” Tsukki probes a little.

“I believe you Tsukki, that you think I’m attractive. I wish I felt attractive though…”

A wondering hand finds Tadashi’s towel wrapped hip.

“Would you allow me to show you how beautiful you are to me? Maybe I can make you feel attractive…” There’s a daring edge to Tsukki’s words as he grips at Tadashi’s hip, slipping fingers under the towel to feel his skin.

The contact feels enticing to Tadashi, stirring familiar feelings of arousal in his stomach. He wants to protest and say no, the mental image of himself stopping him from wanting to further undress. But Tsukki swoops in for a kiss, capturing Tadashi’s lips and thoughts. Tadashi has a moment of clarity from his own mind allowing him to feel his arousal building as the kiss deepens and Tsukki reaches a hand behind him to squeeze his butt. They exchange small moans into one another’s mouths as Tsukki’s hands explore Tadashi’s abdomen and back, pulling him closer and brushing their growing erections together. Tadashi breaks the kiss.

“Yes… show me… Make me feel beautiful baby…”

Tsukki needs little else for encouragement. He pushes Tadashi’s towel off his hip, fully exposing his boyfriend. A staunch blush fills out under Tadashi’s freckles as he reaches for the hem of Tsukki’s shirt.

“I’d be more comfortable if we were both naked, it’s only fair right?”

Tsukki gives his boyfriend a small smile and allows him to take his shirt before he stands to shuck off his shorts.

“WOAH!” Tsukki had nabbed Tadashi’s thighs and pulled him to the edge of the bed. The smaller boy gives off a light laugh as he’s now spread eagle, hard cock laying against his stomach, in front of his boyfriend. Tsukki paws at the inside of Tadashi’s thighs, encouraging and teasing him to open up more.

“These thighs will be the death of me, Tadashi.” He gives them a squeeze, causing Tadashi to yelp a little. “If we didn’t have practice all the time, I’d bite and mark up your thighs all the damn time…. Maybe… I could get away with it just this once.”

Tsukki leans in and leaves a trial of kisses up Tadashi’s left thigh, licking and biting at the skin intermittently. Right before he reaches the innermost segment of his thigh, Tsukki takes the skin there into his mouth and sucks hard. Tadashi yelps, clawing his bed spread but welcoming the sharp pain of his boyfriend marking him.

When he releases the deeply reddened skin, Tsukki pops up and takes Tadashi’s cock into his hand, stroking lightly, “I think that one is up high enough that no one will notice it. Just be careful when getting changed for practice alright?”

“Mhmm…” Tadashi melts into Tsukki’s touch, relaxing fully for the first time that day. That is until he feels wetness against his hole, causing him to shudder and tense up for a moment before he’s purring out his boyfriend’s name. “Tsukki… more… please…”

Tsukki presses his tongue harder against Tadashi’s hole, penetrating the ring of muscle and teasing it lightly. Tadashi grinds on tsukki’s mouth, whining with pleasure from the attention on his ass and his cock. Tsukki draws his tongue flatly up to Tadashi’s balls, earning louder moans, as he replaces his tongue with his unoccupied fingers. Tsukki’s tongue gently caresses his boyfriend’s balls before taking one gently in his mouth.

“Oh, Tsukki! I won’t last long if you keep this up…” Tsukki looks up Tadashi’s body to meet their eyes briefly. Tadashi moans deeply, the erotic sight of his boyfriend teasing him so making it feel like he was going to combust. Then, all the attention paid to him was removed. Tadashi groaned at the lack of contact.

“Don’t worry babe, you’ll get what you need.” Tsukki’s voice is heavy with lust as he crawls up Tadashi’s body to steal a kiss. They both moan as their erections meet between their bodies. Tadashi is the one to capture Tsukki’s lips this time for another hot kiss. He grinds up into Tsukki’s neglected cock, making his boyfriend moan into the recesses of his hot mouth.

The finger returns to Tadashi’s hole, massaging his walls in an attempt to relax the tight muscle there. Tadashi is caressing Tsukki’s jaw and neck with one hand and lightly fisting the other in Tsukki’s soft blonde hair. He gasps as Tsukki adds another finger, continuing to massage and stretch Tadashi. They’re panting in each other’s faces, staring into one another’s eyes. Both only finding love and adoration in the pair looking back at them.

“I don’t think you understand just how beautiful you are.” Another gasp as Tsukki adds a third finger. “Your eyes remind me of sweet caramel candies and these freckles…” He presses kisses into Tadashi’s cheek, “…are so adorable.”

Tadashi is left moaning from the praise and pressure in his hole. Tsukki removes his fingers and sits back on his heels between Tadashi’s hips.

“Having you splayed out like this, all undone and hungry, it’s one of the best sights I’ve ever seen.” Tsukki lines up his cock with Tadashi’s hole and presses in lightly. Tadashi’s eye’s roll and he moans wantonly.

“The moans you give me are some of the most erotic noises I’ve ever heard.” A little more pressure and he has about half his cock in Tadashi. He leans over his boyfriend, gently kissing at his neck, letting his hands wander about Tadashi’s sides again.

“Your skin is so soft here,” He grips his hip tightly with one wandering hand, “every curve and dip of your body is more than enough to get me hard and ready for you.” He bottoms out in his boyfriend; they sigh with congruent pleasure. “Sometimes I find it hard to focus at practice when your shirt gets untucked from you shorts.” Tsukki pulls his hips back fully. “It’s like your skin taunts me by playing peek a boo with me.” His hips snap back forward, Tadashi moans loudly with tears pricking at the side of his eyes. He couldn’t tell if they formed because of all the praise or the immense pleasure he was feeling.

“Sometimes…” Tsukki starts to pick up a regular pace, “it takes everything in me to stay calm and collected around you at practice. You are so attractive to me Tadashi, sometimes I want to just take you into the locker room and rip you to shreds.”

Another moan from Tadashi, he’s unable to respond in any other way. He hopes Tsukki will take his moans as a form of communication that he is in fact, loving every moment of this. He imagines Tsukki stealing him away in the middle of practice just for a quick, hot fuck in the gym locker room. The idea of that situation makes Tadashi want to come right then. He wraps his legs around his boyfriend hips to keep him deep in him, the way he knew Tsukki liked to be.

“Ah fuck… Tadashi… you feel so good…” Tsukki’s losing control now, the praises suddenly turning into hungry growls in the shell of Tadashi’s ear.

“Tsukki… you’re so good… you fuck me so good…” It was Tadashi’s turn to praise Tsukki, knowing full well it was his weakness.

“Shit babe… I’m so close…” Tadashi reaches for his own cock, stroking it in time with Tsukki’s thrusts.

Tsukki managed a few more rushed thrusts before he pulled out to finish on Tadashi’s abdomen, moaning as he watched his boyfriend’s eyes blow out with lust at the sight of him coming. The gentle pawing of Tsukki’s hand on Tadashi’s balls was just enough to have Tadashi crashing to his end as well with a high pitch cry.

Tsukki kissed Tadashi’s forehead before walking to the dresser on the other side of the room to snag a couple of tissues for Tadashi to clean up with. He crawled back into bed next to him.

“Thank you, Tsukki…” Tadashi kissed his cheek.

“For?”

“For loving me, for comforting me… for making me feel beautiful…” He tried to look away at the end of his statement just to get his chin caught in Tsukki’s hand before he can.

“Shut up, Tadashi…” A brief kiss and a loving glance.

“Sorry Tsukki.”


End file.
